I have been putting off writing this blog post for quite some time now as I am having difficulty articulating my feelings….for those of you who know me I am rarely at a loss for words so this comes as a surprise to me too : )
As many of you know from my past posts or from speaking with me 2011 has been the absolute worst year of my life…how do you lose a precious part of your family and still find the energy, focus, sanity etc. etc. etc. to wake up every day and keep moving forward. The pain, the shock, the sadness, the disbelief and the guilt is palpable and some days still after 7 months there is an actual physical aching in my heart….my broken heart. How families move forward still remains a mystery to us right now but I pray something will change over time and lighten this load. A friend who recently lost his wife told me that living after losing a loved one is kind of like everyday having to carry a huge load…sometimes you hold it, sometimes you drag it which makes it feel lighter but it is always there with you, you just find new ways of carrying it to make it more bearable…I thought it was a good analogy.
I am trying to learn how to live with this sadness and lack of focus while making more time for my family which is the point of this blog post…. I have chosen to take a leave of absence from my business for now…I am not certain when or if I will be returning to work. I am hoping some clarity will come as time passes. I have loved photographing you…..all of the wonderful families, newborns, children I have had the true honour of being touched by…..I look back at my body of work and can honestly remember moments from every one of these sessions. Rocking newborns to sleep, connecting with the teenage boy who has no desire to be here, making a new mom comfortable or a 4 year old giggle crazily…..these are parts of my job which have left an indelible mark on me……this “job” has made me the person I am now…it has shaped me and changed me and given me a confidence I never knew I had both as an artist and simply a human being. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to be a part of the lives of my amazing clients…..it is a wonderful feeling to know that in a sea of photographers you chose me. Thank you for that….it is more appreciated than you can know.
I truly hope this is not a goodbye but rather a “see you soon”…. I’m gone wishing. Wishing for the load to lighten, wishing for a sign from above and days which are filled with happy memories instead of this sadness. I hope that the passion I have had for photography will return and I will be reminded that being a photographer is not only my job but it is part of who I am.
Thank you all for visiting and for your loyalty to my work…I never felt deserving of it but I always so appreciated it.
I can still be reached by email: cynmoore@sympatico.ca for any questions, past session orders or to honour gift certificates already purchased
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